Warrior Cats F around
by Birdcry
Summary: This is a spoof! Chill out! Request cats/prophecy/clan in requests M for strong language, nothing sexual trust me.
1. Chapter 1

AN: This is a spoof! It's supposed to be utterly terrible! Idc about your critism! It's a free country!

Fireheart pelted across camp, panting.

"Graystripe! The babes are coming!"

Graystripe stumbled out of the den, blinking sleep from his eyes.

"The fuck? I'm not having kits with you!"

"NO! The babes! The hotties!" "ohh" said Gaystripe as Liversteam and SALTMUFFIN approached them. Fircone went over to SALTMUFFIN, slicking his hair back with vaseline. "Hey Sandstrom" "Hi Fihreheart" she replied silkly. "You look oily"

"SO oily. Everywhere."

"IM BREAKING THE MOTHAFUCKIN WARRIOR CODE AND NO-ONE SEEMS TO GIVE A SHIT!" Livedrsreal yowled. Bluestar and Mistyfoot stuck their heads out of a hole.

"S'cool man. I did too. " Bluestar mewed, trying to be dope.

"VHAT? ART OU BE MY DEAREST AMA?" Mistyfoot screamed, Stoneguy popping up beside her.

"VHAT ZE CRAB? VHY DIDN'T OT TELL UTH?" Stoneguy clawed her in the ear

"S'chill."

"NO!"

SALTMUFFIN and LeafyIsHere began fighting over Fjrhurt. Tigermanicure walked in, killed Leafy, Stoneguy, and Bluefarts and got butthurt because SALTMUFFIN and Firekit got married and went to go get more kitties to join their StarCult

Request which prophecy I should do next k?


	2. Chapter 2

**WARNING!**

 **THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR THE APPRENTICES QUEST OR WHATEVER!**

 **YOU HAVE BEEN WARED**

This takes place in Omen of the stars.

Dovewing trotted happily to the prey pile, her kit-laden belly swinging beneath her. She was so happy! She was having kits with Tigerheart! Bramblestar stormed out of his den, a bloodthirsty shine in his eyes.

"DOVEWING!" He screamed, pouncing on her, "WHY DID YOU GET PREGNANT WITH MY NEPHEW?!"

Dovewing went limp. When Bramblestar went into roid-rage, nothing could stop him. She'd just get hurt if she tried to fight back.

"'Cuz I love him."

"I. Don't. Care. You're my mate!" Bramblestar hissed.

"Ew. I don't like toms on steriods, first of all. Second of all, we're like, third cousins."

"Um, no. We're not related, retard."

"Um, yes we are, pervert. Your dad is Tigermanicure, and mine is Cloudbutt. Fireheart is Cloudbutts uncle, and Tigermanicure and Fireheart are littermates."

"Wait, really?"

"Duh, yeah!"

"Oh. Makes sense." Bramelblestar released her, and she ran to meet Tigerheart in the forest to... well...

SALTMUFFIN was sulking around the camp because Fireheart died having a sezuire while watching Attack On Titan and lost all of his 100,000,000 lives at once.

"He was so oily," she sobbed, "we were going to have kits!"

Leafdrool and Squirrelfart rolled their eyes.

"Mom, you're senile. You have great-grand kits now."

"Do I?" The salty she-cat sniffed.

"Yes. You have whathisface, whatshisface, whatshisface, and whatshisface."

"Who's the mother?"

"Jayfeather is."

At that moment, Jayfather was seen giving one of his kits deathberries, dropping one of a cliff, ditching one in ShadowCult, and murdering the other in cold blood. Firestar Bramblestar screamed, and called the Fuzz

Tigermanicure and Crustyeyeballs jumped into the scene and charged Jayfather with child abuse and murder.

"You are udder an arm rest for whatever!" They tied him up, and Firestar Bramblelestar leaned in close to Jayfathers face, steriod muscles ripping through his fur.

"Do you have anything else to say?" he whispered menacingly. Jayfather grinned.

"I killed Ashfur, Firefat, Hollyleef, Spooty-poot, Ranevpaow, and Flalalalalalalalalalflalaldafalfalalafala."

"Okay." then they took him away.

SALTMUFFIN died because Aldersnaw pushed her off a fence and then hid her out in the woods where no-one could fid her.

And nettlesnaw fell in love with aldersnaw and aldersnaw killed her also.

But no-one knew it... yet...

COMING UP: SALTMUFFIN returns!

 **AN: This is SUPPOSED to be terrible! Idc about your reviews yet I will laugh while reading them. IN YOUR FACE!**

 **Request the next chapter or this fanfic will die.**


	3. Chapter 3

SALTMUFFIN (Sandstorm, btw) stalked into camp, twigs and mud sticking to her pelt.

"He's buried me alive! The bastard has buried me ALLIIIIIIVEEE!"

Bramblestar cat-walked out of his den, his 'roid muscles bulging. He was wearing a crop top and a mini-skirt. Squirrelflight was awkwardly walking next to him, looking absolutely uncomfortable.

"SALTMUFFIN. Who. Buried. You. Alive?!" Bramblestar screamed, veins in his neck twitching, his face turning blue. "I. WILL. KILL. THEM."

Squirrelflight nudged him, and pointed. Alderpaw was walking into camp, Nettlepaws dead body in his mouth.

"Hai! I has returned!"

SALTMUFFIN screamed and karate-kicked Alderpaw in the face, and he went flying across camp.

"Hahaha! Sandstorm! Do that again!" He laughed, blood pouring from his nose and mouth. SALTMUFFIN looked at the bottom of her foot. A white pebble was sticking out of it. She plucked it out, holding it up in the air.

"Alderbitch, is this your tooth?"

Alderpaw ran his tongue over his teeth, and then smiled.

"Yep! Can you hand it to me?"

"Can I hand it to you?"

"Yeah, could you walk over here, and give me my tooth?"

"CAN I HAND it to YOU?"

"Yeah. Sandstorm, please?"

"CAN I HAND IT TO YOU?"

The clearing went silent. SALTMUFFIN was shaking, her eyes popping out of her head, and she was bright red.

"I said, CAN I HAND IT TO YOOUUUUUUU?!"

She pounced, hitting Alderpaw again, and shoving the tooth in his eye.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh! MY EYE! YOU FUCKING BITTTCCCHHHHH!"

"YOU FUCKING LEFT ME FOR DEAD! YOU PUSHED ME OFF A FENCE AND THEN BURIED ME ALIVE! I TOLD YOU, I _TOLD_ YOU THAT I WAS JUST HURT! BUT YOU GAVE ME SOME POPPY SEEDS AND THEN PUT ME IN A HOLE AND BURIED ME!"

Alderpaw shrugged, recieving a slug to the face. "I know."

Nettlepaw rose to her feet, and everyone froze.

"Blarg! I'm a zoombie!"

"STFU! DIE!" SALTMUFFIN turned on Nettlepaw

Bramblestar then scared everyone with his huge muscles and broke up the fighting. Then they all awkwardly ate cake around a table.

Just kidding.

Bramblestar jumped into the fight and killed all three of the fighting cats.

Then the fuzz came and arrested Bramblestar, who wound up in a jailcell with Jayfeather, who asked Bramblestar to get him pregnant.

And Bramblestar complied.

COMING UP NEXT: JAYFEATHER AND BRAMBLESTARS MINIONS

 **oMG!1!1!1!111**

 **I got a review!**

 **In your face, mom! You told me I couldn't do it!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A year later... I came back and read this story. I cried laughing. Let's continue, I guess.**

Hollyleaf galloped out of camp on a miniature pony, sobbing and screaming at random passerby's.

"I KILLED A MAN," she would scream, "HE'S IN THE RIVER"

"Uh..." Heatherclaw of ShadowClan said, approaching with caution "Which... River, Hollyleaf?"

"It's uh- It's a river of water and uh-" Hollyleaf struggled to find the correct words "It's damn wet. DOn't fall in. Or drink it. He drowned in there"

"Who did? Hollyleaf?"

"ASH- I mean... Assfoot did."

"Ew"

"Okay this horse is going to run out of battery if I don't keep moving bye!"

Hollyleaf cantered calmly through the woods, until they reached a crumbling cave.

"Wow that looks totally safe, comfortable and just absolutely perfect for pretending I'm dead. Let's go in."

But her horse, 100% done with her BS, casually bucked her off towards the direction of the cave. Hoolyleaf hit the top of the entrance and the whole thing caved down on her.

"Ow! That was totally unexpected and unfair!"

Hollyleaf bit a mud clump aggressively.

"STUPID EARTH FRIGGIN DIE CHUMP"

"Uh. Excuse me? You're trespassing."

Hollyleaf looked up to see a ginger and white cat staring at her broken body.

"Well I'm going to sue you for breaking my spine, unless you help fix me and let me live with you."

The cat looked very concerned for a moment, then, grabbing Hollyleaf by the tail (which was the only intact part of her body at this point), he dragged her out of the rocks and onto a woven mat.

"Wait," Hollyleaf croaked, "Cats don't have fingers and I don't unders-"

"ShhHHH!" The cat interrupted. "No questions."

Hollyleaf then spiraled into a painful sleep. When she woke up, the cat was standing over her, way too close for comfort.

"JEEZ WHAT ARE YOU-" She tried to scramble away from him but pain went shooting through her body "OWWWWWWWW!"

"Shut up! You took WAY too long to wake up! I tried to wake you up by throwing fish at you but..."

Hollyleaf looked around herself. "Thats disgusting man."

"Your mom's disgusting. Woman."

"HAH! Doesn't work like that."

"Your mom doesn't wor-"

"Okay now that's just stupid."

"Your MOM-"

Hollyleaf screamed at him "Shut up! Who even are you?"

"Who even is your mo- I mean, I'm Fallen Leaves."

"HahahahahAHHHHHHH" Hollyleaf laughed, "That's funny. You see, my name's Hollyleaf, and I fell down here pretty much, and- Nevermind. Lost my train of thought."

"Okay."

"Uh," Hollyleaf turned away from him. "I'm gonna... get some sleep now... Bye...?"

"Buh bye, bebe."


End file.
